International Glamor Puss

My partner/boyfriend Jess is infatuated with a drag queen named Hedda Lettuce. She bills herself as a "Drag Comedienne and International Glamor Puss." Jess became acquainted with her last year. Most evenings, she could be found in front of the Provincetown Art House Theater, plugging her show. Fridays when I was taking the fast ferry from Boston to Provincetown, Jess would always walk down to the pier to greet me, as if I were coming home from a tour in Iraq or something. This Art House, and I use the term very loosely, is halfway between our place and the pier. So, Jess had occasion to walk past Miss Lettuce, sans boyfriend, on a regular basis.

I'm not exactly sure what transpired between the two of them every Friday night before my arrival. But on the return trip from the pier to the apartment, Ms. Lettuce would definitely pay Jess special attention as we walked by. Batting her eyelashes, she would call out, "Hey big boy," or "How's it hangin', stud?" Having your partner/boyfriend pursued by a drag queen is the definition of not feeling threatened. I found their flirtation amusing and sweet, so I didn't mind that Jess always made us walk by on Hedda's side of the street.

As the season drew to a close, so did Hedda's run at the Art House. Walking by, on the last weekend of her show, Hedda dropped out of character and seemed legitimately concerned, "Are you ever coming to see me?!" Jess promised that we would be in the audience on Sunday night, her very last show.

But alas, on Sunday night our bloodstream was full of alcohol and our bellies full of food. We fell asleep on the couch. Actually, I fell asleep on the couch. Try as he might, Jess couldn't rouse me from my drunken slumber. As a testimate to his undying love for me, Jess remained by my side. He never made it to Hedda's show.

Jess was very much looking forward to seeing Ms. Lettuce this season. She wasn't scheduled to appear in P-town until the week of the 4th of July. That week rolled around, and her shows were mysteriously missing from the theater's schedule. Jess was gravely concerned, convinced that Hedda had fallen into a deep depression after he betrayed her. Hedda has since been re-booked, with a very limited number of performances. This was supposed to be her opening weekend, but we did not see Ms. Lettuce on our walk from the pier.

Maybe Jess was right. Maybe she is broken-hearted.