Saturday, September 1, 2007

This Goes Out to All the Breeders


Admit it. Stereotypes really come in handy sometimes. There's nothing like a sweeping generalization to make a long story short.

Whether we admit it or not, we like being labeled. It's comfortable. Perhaps that is why the gays have created such a prolific and nuanced list of names for the different sub-groups within our species. The terminology can be confusing for a breeder. So I offer a primer in contemporary gay nomenclature.

Turn-Ons

bot·tom (bŏt'əm) likes it in the butt

top (tŏp) likes to put it in someone else's butt

ver·sa·tile (vûr'sə-təl, -tīl') likes it in his butt and likes to put it in someone else's butt

size1 (sīz) queen (kwēn) A gay male who is exclusively interested in men with very large penises (girth and length are required); usually a bottom

rice (rīs) queen (kwēn) A white gay male who exclusively dates Asian men

Body Type

bear (bâr) A big, fat, hairy gay male; one is usually only referred to as a bear if he self identifies as such; otherwise he is just big, fat and hairy.

wolf (wʊlf) A gay male with moderate to heavy body hair with an average, or better, body build

seal (sēl) A gay male with little-to-no body hair, typically young with an above-average body

Age

dad·dy (dăd'ē)
  1. A gay man who is middle-aged or older and sexually attractive
  2. An older gay man who is in a relationship with a younger man
  3. A wealthy, older gay man who is in a relationship with a younger man for whom the relationship provides the primary source of financial resources

twink A young or young-looking male homosexual

chick·en (chĭk'ən) A young male homosexual

chick·en (chĭk'ən) hawk (hôk) An older gay man who preys on "chickens"

poo·dle (pūd'l) A young, thin, emaculately groomed, urban gay male; sometimes used as a derogatory term, indicating the person is bitchy and shallow

"Partying"

cir·cuit (sûr'kĭt) boy (boi) A gay male who attends circuit parties or otherwise engages in clubbing or night-life; usually in their thirties, attractive and muscular; usually high as a kite

cir·cuit (sûr'kĭt) rai·sin ('zĭn) A shriveled, overly-tan gay man who should have stopped partying many years ago

Lesbians

lip·stick (lĭp'stĭk') les·bi·an (lĕz'bē-ən) A homosexual woman whose physical appearance (manner of dress, hairstyle, etc.) is much like that of a heterosexual woman

ba·by (') dyke (dīk) A young lesbian who is newly "out" and going through a postponed adolescence that is characterized by loud, obnoxious behavior such as binge drinking and fist fighting


die·sel ('zəl, -səl) dyke (dīk) Especially rough and rugged lesbians; their prefered weapons are tire irons and wrenches

Hee-Haw dyke (dīk) A lesbian characterized by a manner of dress and behavior similar to that of a young, rural, heterosexual male

REALLY Alternative Lifestyles

drag (drăg) queen (kwēn) A gay male entertainer or performer who dresses as a woman, usually in a campy, over-the-top manner

cross (krôs, krŏs) -dress·er (drĕs'ər) Any person, male or female, gay or straight, who dresses as a member of the opposite sex

tran·ny (trăn' nee) Any person in any stage of gender reassignment; can be broadly grouped into either "Pre-Op" or "Post-Op" categories

4 comments:

MortonsToe71 said...

Very informative. Who knew I was a breeder?!

Will said...

There is also the otter, like a seal but with more body hair and a sedxual interest in bears.

There's also the bear cub, which is just about self-explanatory.

ucratbo said...

I knew I would leave out something. Thanks, Will!

soundofstilhed said...

I want you to know that I looked all over the web (for thirty-six seconds) to find out what a seal was (which I had correctly guessed) before finding it here! Thank you! I need to print this to inform my family or something!...or just start calling myself a poodle and let them make their own conclusions!!! HAHA! What a brilliant idea for a great blog post!