Jess and I have a rule. We call it "Die in Car Crash/Die in Sleep". Basically, it means we don't part company or go to sleep angry with one another. 'Cause who knows when one of us might get hit by a city bus or choke in the night on our vomit? (Choking on someone else's vomit, while possible, is not likely to happen in one's sleep.)
Did we break our rule last night? Jess got home around 7:30, about twelve hours after he left for work. His nourishment for the day had been a six-ounce can of V-8. I began to prepare dinner, which was improvisational to say the least. I wasn't sure exactly what I was doing with the ingredients on hand. I began a series of starts and stops. Do I grill the beef or saute it? Corn or flour tortillas? I was twitching like an epileptic under a strobe light.
Jess' blood sugar must have been lower than my blood alcohol content was high. He lit gas burners underneath empty pots and pans and flailed his arms about wildly. With my typical degree of composure, I screeched "Wait a minute!" Jess said "Fine!" and stormed off. I continued making dinner which was excellent, I must say. But I didn't say anything and he didn't say anything.
Jess cleared our plates and I stayed seated. He sat down at the computer to do some work or perhaps cruise around on Manhunt.com. I fell asleep on the couch. Jess cleaned the kitchen, and sometime after 10:00, roused me from the couch to get into bed. Not another word was said.
But I don't think this was a violation of our rule. We know each other so well by now. Jess needs to be silent when he gets mad. And over the years (seven of them), I have learned to repress my innate need to "TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW!" I know Jess is stressed out right now because of work. And Jess knows I was right. I woke up this morning at 5:15. I kissed him on the cheek like I always do. He made a smooch noise, half asleep like he always does. And just now as I am writing this, he comes into the room and sits on my lap. I wrap my arms tightly around him; rest my chin on his shoulder; wrap my legs around his. And we are best friends again, just like we always are.
3 comments:
Wonderful . . . wonder filled . . . you KNOW how jealous I am of what you have!!! Seriously though, you guys 'get it'. Many of us get IT much of the time, but few of us truly 'get it'. You also know I'm one of your (the-two-of-you-as-'one') biggest fans. Keep up the good work. Sure, having a natural rhythm and affinity go a long way to making it simpler, but, honey, it's still work. Congrats surviving the seven year itch!
Steve and I used to have that rule too, then we realized sometimes if you go to sleep when you wake up the next day you realize how silly the arguement is and by going to sleep you saved hours of argueing.
First: nice picture! Second: It's a damn good rule to go by.
The approach to anger - especially when it's not to do with your relationship - is always awkward because of differences in personality, quirks, and damned annoying habits.
All in all, it calls for understanding when to be there and when to give space.
Arguments that are about *each other* strike me as a different beast... but still tricky.
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